Disclaimer: real names of places, people and events may have been altered or abbreviated to protect the innocent. Namely, me.

XOXO, R.

 

My anaconda don’t
My anaconda don’t
My anaconda don’t want none unless you got buns, hun!

Anaconda
Nicki Minaj

"It’s just this whole… Like… I feel it in my shoulders, all pulled forward and uncomfortable and the back of my neck aching, and like, I wanna cry and I feel my heart racing and I get this urge to pace around and do something or punch the wall or kick a dog. It’s frustrating, like, I don’t know."
"Have you considered that you are feeling angry?"
And I was, wait a minute, I think I am feeling angry.
It’s kind of hilarious when the therapist pointed it out. I am objectively, physiologically, emotionally angry at stuff but I never recognized that emotion because I’ve never gave myself permission to feel that way. Perhaps it is this whole good Asian child thing; we have been trained since we were kids to be polite, accommodating, all smiles, never upset or angry. And some of us manage to ignore frustration and anger so well that we have to learn how to recognize and feel it again instead of doing the reflexive “Oh no, I am not Angry. At. All. Grr. Arf." thing we are so good at doing that we have even ourselves fooled.

"It’s just this whole… Like… I feel it in my shoulders, all pulled forward and uncomfortable and the back of my neck aching, and like, I wanna cry and I feel my heart racing and I get this urge to pace around and do something or punch the wall or kick a dog. It’s frustrating, like, I don’t know."

"Have you considered that you are feeling angry?"

And I was, wait a minute, I think I am feeling angry.

It’s kind of hilarious when the therapist pointed it out. I am objectively, physiologically, emotionally angry at stuff but I never recognized that emotion because I’ve never gave myself permission to feel that way. Perhaps it is this whole good Asian child thing; we have been trained since we were kids to be polite, accommodating, all smiles, never upset or angry. And some of us manage to ignore frustration and anger so well that we have to learn how to recognize and feel it again instead of doing the reflexive “Oh no, I am not Angry. At. All. Grr. Arf." thing we are so good at doing that we have even ourselves fooled.

Anonymous asked
Hi Ryan! Sorry for startling you in the gym earlier. Let's work out together next time!

Hello Anon! Or rather, not so Anon because I know who you are heh.

Yes please! I would love to. Sorry for the chao bin face earlier, I’ve been told my default expression curdles milk and makes little children cry. Le sigh.

Played 48 times

You’re all I need
Your love’s a drug, can’t get enough
Your love’s a drug.

And I can’t sleep
Can’t get enough, your love’s a drug
Your love’s a drug.

Your Love’s A Drug
Leighton Meester

Anonymous asked
What kind of underwear do you wear?

If you know me well, you wouldn’t be asking me this question. Because (redacted).

"All I wanted was a fairytale." I griped.
"Has it been one?" came the armor piercing question.
Guilty.
I had wanted so badly for it to be one.
Forgetting that happily ever afters rarely come true.
And even when they do, happily ever afters have this nasty habit of dropping the ever after bit and going happily just for now.

"All I wanted was a fairytale." I griped.

"Has it been one?" came the armor piercing question.

Guilty.

I had wanted so badly for it to be one.

Forgetting that happily ever afters rarely come true.

And even when they do, happily ever afters have this nasty habit of dropping the ever after bit and going happily just for now.

It’s thrilling getting all caught up in the flush of a brand new relationship. Hey, it’s a new beginning!! goes the seductive siren call. The dopamine rush, the wind in my hair, the I’m outta control and loving every second of this popping of fireworks in my stomach, the way everything in life seems to be colored in brighter shades and all HD. This invulnerable feeling. This irrational belief that nothing in life can go wrong.
And forgetting the painful lessons learnt from the past in this dizzying whirl of the new.
I don’t want to mess up. Again. Ever.

It’s thrilling getting all caught up in the flush of a brand new relationship. Hey, it’s a new beginning!! goes the seductive siren call. The dopamine rush, the wind in my hair, the I’m outta control and loving every second of this popping of fireworks in my stomach, the way everything in life seems to be colored in brighter shades and all HD. This invulnerable feeling. This irrational belief that nothing in life can go wrong.

And forgetting the painful lessons learnt from the past in this dizzying whirl of the new.

I don’t want to mess up. Again. Ever.

"I don’t like how everyone wants a piece of him!"
Caught myself whining to a very good friend about how upset I am with anyone who interacts with my new guy. It took one armor piercing question from him to poke me out of my possessive haze.
"Why would you hide a flower away and have it wilt when you are proud of its beauty?"
My life has been messed up once by my possessiveness and insecurity. I don’t want to lose a guy I genuinely love and who loves me back by being an insecure bitcho.
Perhaps there’s some truth in that whole annoying 'If you love it, let it free.' clichéd thing. By holding on too tightly, all we manage to do is smother the very thing we love.

"I don’t like how everyone wants a piece of him!"

Caught myself whining to a very good friend about how upset I am with anyone who interacts with my new guy. It took one armor piercing question from him to poke me out of my possessive haze.

"Why would you hide a flower away and have it wilt when you are proud of its beauty?"

My life has been messed up once by my possessiveness and insecurity. I don’t want to lose a guy I genuinely love and who loves me back by being an insecure bitcho.

Perhaps there’s some truth in that whole annoying 'If you love it, let it free.' clichéd thing. By holding on too tightly, all we manage to do is smother the very thing we love.

Played 48 times

I can be the treble baby
You can be the bass!

Big Fat Bass
Britney Spears

Anonymous asked
Congrats on getting married to Shermy!! :D

Thanks Anon!

The things that the potato doesn’t know (yet):
-I am dieting to fit into a slutty wedding dress.
-I still haven’t decided on a wedding cake flavor.
-I doodle his name mindlessly during class.
-I have no idea how he does it but when I glance at him I go "Did you just get even cuter and I didn’t notice?"