Disclaimer: real names of places, people and events may have been altered or abbreviated to protect the innocent. Namely, me.
You got me realizing that it has been a gabillion years since I last spooned.
(Requisite disclaimer that I am not a trained, licensed therapist and that medical and mental health professionals and clinicians may be a better fit for your needs.)
A transsexual is a person who does not identify with his or her assigned sex. A person may be born a man (with all the hilarious man bits: the pee pee, the ding dongs and all that) but identifies as a woman. A transvestite (cruder name: crossdresser; more academic term: autogynephilia) is a person who dressed in a manner more typical of a person from another gender for various reasons, perhaps as an entertainer or as a fetish. The two are often conflated in popular culture as being synonymous with each other ("Ee mommy, man wearing a dress!!") when they really are two distinct concepts that are related to each other in terms of subverting usual gender roles and expectations which have been ingrained into us by culture.
I am unsure about the reason why you prefer to wear female clothing (I am assuming you are a biological male). The reason being the determinant whether a transsexual or a transvestite may describe you better. I would suggest speaking to a therapist or clinician specializing in LGBTQ areas as transsexuality and transvestism isn’t an area I have much knowledge in other than as a layperson. Do consider Oogachaga, I suspect they may fit your needs better than I do!
Who will be the one to save me from myself?
Who will be the one who’s there?
And not ashamed to see me crawl…
Who’s gonna catch me when I fall?
It may seem I have everything
But everything means nothing
When the ride that you’ve been on
That you’re coming off
Leaves you feeling lost.
Is anybody out there?
Does anybody see?
Catch Me When I Fall
Ano- OMG a real actual unanonymous person, hello!!
I can totally relate with the feeling of wanting to get back in touch with an ex after having severed all ties with him following a painful break up. I was the one who was in your ex’s position though; my ex was the one who pulled the trigger (before selfishly dragging me back when I started moving on, seeing someone new, the works; and somehow I am painted as the villain for the entire thing) and I was the one left behind trying to pick the pieces of me back up and moving on.
If you’re asking me about what I (Ryan the person with his own experiences) should do, DON’T. Your ex is clearly distressed by having to deal with wounds he hasn’t fully recovered from, and your returning would yank them all open again. For me at least. It would be a lot easier for me to pretend that an ex who had hurt me never exists, that there is no chance for reconciliation and that we never meet again in this life or after or ever.
If you’re asking the (unqualified, uncertified) counselor me, consider your motives behind making such a move (Breines, 2014). Be honest with yourself: what is the deepest reason why you are initiating said contact again. Is it worth the pain the other party may feel? Are you prepared to renegotiate a relationship with an ex partner and sticking firm to new boundaries where he may not be as close to you as before, that he is not obligated to tell you everything… In short, the new relationship would not be like the old, more intense, more coupled, more loving, more togethered one.
In all honesty, I am unable to ever reconnect with the ex. Too much anger, resentment and disappointment there.
Don’t want no paper gangsta
Won’t sign away my life to
Someone who’s got the flavor
But don’t have no follow through.
Don’t want no paper gangsta
Won’t sign no monkey papers
I don’t do funny business
Not interested in fakers.