The reasons why I do not want you in my life any longer:
1) You make me feel like poop more often than you make me feel happy.
2) I get jealous when you are with another guy. Even though we are no longer together (if you even considered us being together once, because you never acted like you considered my feelings).
3) You make me cry more than I smile. Especially at those memories of us.
4) My days revolve(d) around you when I should have, could have, would have been doing something happier and more productive. Like journaling. Or working out an extra half hour. Instead of waiting like a lost puppy at your office reception.
5) You are an addiction. Worse than my food addiction. And quite frankly it is scaring me.
6) I get insecure whenever you make contact. It sends me into a spiral of hopefulness and self loathing and wondering if I should drop everything in my life just for you. Then you shove me away. And I lash out at you, saying every hurtful thing I can think of. Then we promise never to talk again, ever. Or to even see each other. Then the cycle starts anew when you want to be friends. Or something.
7) You ruin all the progress I make. Some days I start believing I can be alright and whole again. I think you take advantage of the fact that I will always be weak for you.
8) You don’t realize how badly I want you to work for what you think you deserve.
9) I do not know when you are wholly honest with me. I don’t want to feel like a kid who cannot take the harsh reality of the entire world, when you withhold truths ‘for my own good’.
10) I feel empty waiting for your responses. And go belly up on food. And get so mad at you when you reply while I am halfway through my pint of ice cream. Relieved, yes. But so god damn angry.
11) I feel like I am always left hanging over the precipice waiting for you. And you don’t feel like you ever are in danger of losing me. Sometimes I wonder if you’re right.
12) I am your backup plan when you don’t get anyone else to share your happiness with. I deserve better than this.
13) This obsessiveness is unhealthy. You know it. I know it. Yet you keep tugging at those remaining strings in my heart that feel fond for you.
14) You leave me sleepless.
15) You know my secrets. And all the ways to hurt me. And how to make me feel fucking insecure.
16) You know what I want. And you choose to kick me in my nuts. Knowing I am that idiot mutt that will come back for more.
17) I have resolved, selfishly, to hate you. So I do not have to love you any longer.